Week six: Lose yourself in Christ.

Sixth week of Intake done! I remember a time when I never thought I'd have a blog and here I am writing a blog post weekly. As I've been doing this, before I write it out I come to the Lord and ask for His help in writing this and asking Him to guide me in whatever I should share each week. God's good and He helps us whenever we come to Him and He's definitely been helping me with this.

This week was another week filled with great talks and projects, our two talks were on ‘Forming Intentional Disciples’ and ‘Interreligious Dialogue in Mission: “Conversations with Non-Christians.” Both wonderful talks and things to continue to grow in. We went treasure hunting again on Tuesday night and I was blessed to pray with more people during that. Something we’ve been doing is on Tuesday’s for lunch the single Intakers have lunch with one of the families that are a part of Intake. It’s a way that we can all get to know each other more and more. During my visit with the family I visited on Tuesday, after I shared some of my testimony with them, one of them asked me, “What do you desire from the Lord?” And that struck me and I wasn’t completely sure how to answer that question. So since then I’ve been reflecting on that and bringing that to prayer. The day after that question was posed to me we had a reflection on a bible verse during morning prayer with my discipleship group. It was Mark 10: 46-52, about a blind man named Bartimae’us who calls out, in a crowd, to Jesus to have mercy on him. The crowd rebukes him and tells him to be quiet but he keeps calling out to Jesus. Jesus has Bartimae’us led to him and he looks at him and asks him, “What do you want me to do for you?” And Bartimae’us asks for him to receive his sight and Jesus says, “Go your way; your faith has made you well.” And he was healed and received his sight.

What stood out to me in that bible verse was the Lord asking Bartimae’us “What do you want me to do for you?” As it reminded me of the question, “What do you desire from the Lord?” And I felt like the Lord was asking me directly,

“What do you want me to do for you?”

Again, I had to pause and reflect on this for a bit as in the past and even now in my prayer life I’ve asked and keep asking many things of the Lord. One of my favorite bible verses is Matthew 7:7-8, “Ask, and it will be given you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.”

I always say that Christ told us to ask— so why wouldn’t we ask for His help, His guidance etc? So in my prayers I’m asking God to help me in a large variety of ways.

But the Lord bringing this to me I knew the Lord wanted me to reflect on it in a different way. So as my week went by I started to reflect on what my desires are— what do I desire? I took time in my prayer to go over my list of desires that are very close to my heart and listed them out and placed them before the Lord. And as I did that I began to realize that I had, without knowing it, been putting my desires to the side. I had been in some ways telling myself subconsciously, “It’s fine if my desires are let go— I just want whatever God wants of me.” And while wanting what the Lord wants is obviously wonderful and doing the Lord’s will is where I will be happiest the Lord wanted to remind me that my desires are good and beautiful and to not quench them, but to come to Him with them. For the Lord says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4 God was showing me again that He knows my desires, and wants me to know that He sees them and won’t ignore them and I shouldn't put them to the side.

I was reminded of the quote by St. Catherine of Siena, “Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.” And as I reflected on that I was reminded that God loves my uniqueness, He loves my quirks— He loves all of it and I don’t have to try to be anyone but who God has called me to be and that when we come to Christ our identity isn’t lost in Christ, rather we find our true identity in Christ. In coming to Christ I don’t lose myself, I find myself.

Here’s something I wrote this morning,

“Jesus, help me to lose myself in You.

If I am to lose myself, may I lose myself in You. If I am to change, may I change more into You. If I am to go, may I go where You want me to go. For when I find myself lost in You there’s nowhere else I want to be. For losing myself in You— I realize in that I’m truly finding myself.”

In losing myself in Christ I truly find myself— and in losing myself in Him I’m becoming who He meant me to be — and because of that He will be able to set the world on fire through me in unique and wonderful ways and I just have to come to Him and say YES to all He has planned.

In just 11 days we’ll be leaving to Mexico, and at some point during the 3 weeks we’re there I will find out where I will be sent on mission in January 2020. Going towards this I have many thoughts and wondering where I’ll be sent and wondering what it’ll be like on mission and wondering if I’m capable etc.. But going forward the next few weeks and beyond I want to remember that:

God sees me and knows me, He knows my desires. He knows my talents, He knows my quirks and uniqueness— He knows where He wants to send me. He knows who He’s sending me to. He knows the gifts and talents He’s given me and how I’ll be able to use them to help those He sends me to. I don't need to worry, I simply need to trust Him. He wants me to continually lose myself in Him and in losing myself in Him I will truly find myself.

Photos from this week!: